Psychic and Ministry Services The Impasse Process Please forgive me...... I forgive you...... I know that you are...... Three simple sentences spoken in sincerity are all it takes to tear down the walls that separate. Let's look at each of them separately. The first, "Please forgive me," is finished by adding something that you are trulywilling and ready to accept forgiveness for. At times we are not sure that anything we have done within a situation is inappropriate, and therefore in need of forgiveness. In truth, we are all cocreators of our experiences. If nothing else we can ask forgiveness for having contributed to the situation. Wait a second, what if the situation has been created by someone you have come into contact with who is a total jerk? Perhaps we have not consciously chosen to create this experience. Somehow we have chosen to learn the lessons created within the situation. Therefore asking for forgiveness for cocreating the situation is justifiable. The second sentence is finished by adding something that we are truly willing to forgive. It is important that we don't make the other person wrong in the course of forgiving them. For instance, "I forgive you for being a jerk," doesn't work. What does work can be as simple as "I forgive you for being angry, or frustrated, with me." The third sentence is finished by including something that you appreciate or admire in the other person. For women it is suggested that we use an insight about them that demonstrates their loveability. For men, their capability. Of course, these gender options depend on the person and the situation. Before actually saying or writing this to the person, it is good to practice it, making it real. Say it in the mirror, write it on paper. You then make a choice as to how to fully implement it. Writing it in a letter or email, leaving a message on their answering machine or saying it directly to them. The choice is yours. The impasse process always works. I've seen it work without ever directly delivering it. After not speaking to someone for two years, I implemented the impasse process by writing a letter that I never sent. Two weeks after writing it, I ran into the person on a bus and all was well between us. I've used it in intimate relationships, casual relationships, and business relationships, and I've never seen it fail. Not that there are no drawbacks. Sometimes after using the impasse process and tearing down the walls, new walls are immediately built. At times within the same conversation it was used in. Recently I used it with someone with whom I was conversing with in a newsgroup who became mad at me. Forgiveness was accepted and then a week later a new argument was created. This time, I was told by the person that they didn't want my forgiveness as they had done nothing wrong and that I was now persona non grata! Perhaps sometimes, walls are meant to stay in place. I once gave the process to a friend who was in turmoil with a superior at work. I was told that they had no intention of forgiving their adversary, that they were not ready for that. This demonstrates the importance of the need for sincerity. To use the impasse process, one must be ready to let go of hostility. Not always an easy state to reach in this complicated society. Life will always present us with challenges. Not all relationships are meant to flourish for all time. When misunderstanding, anger, or a simple bad mood create separation that does not serve our greater purposes, the impasse process offers us a tool to dissolve the obstacles to peace. Peace